& The greatest of these is love: Kanzis' Story

Kanzis Henley......she's here! I have to tell you, I wasn't expecting a HER to come out so I was pleasantly surprised when Josh said it's a girl. Here's her story.....

So We went in Sunday, September 22nd. at 8:00 p.m. to be induced. When I got there I changed into my hospital gown and got in bed. They hooked me up to the monitors and tried to put an IV in. It took them 4 times but they finally got it.....guess my veins were being pretty stubborn. A little while later the doctor came in and checked me and I was still not dilated and still about 60% effaced. So they inserted the cervix balloon hoping to get some labor going. Shortly after they inserted the catheter balloon I started feeling contractions. I felt them all night. They weren't too bad but definitely uncomfortable. The next morning they checked me and I was dilated to a 3. I thought yay! we are getting somewhere! They took the balloon out at about 7:30/8:00 that morning and started a low dose of pitocin. At this point I was feeling the contractions pretty good and just kept breathing through them. They would raise the pitocin dosage every half hour. The contractions were getting more intense. So it is Monday the 23rd, they came in to check me......still a 3! Ugh. I decided to get into the bath hoping to help with dealing with the contractions. I was in there for about an hour. I got back into bed and tried to cope with the pain, but then decided to get up and sit on the birthing ball for awhile. That actually helped pretty well but after about an hour (maybe a little less) I was ready to get back in bed and lay down. The contractions were very painful at this point. So now Monday night the doctor came in and asked if they could put a monitor that goes inside and lays next to the baby's head to better see how intense my contractions were. I agreed and they put it in. The pain was so intense at this point I really started questioning if I could do this. So far it had been almost 24 hours that I was laboring on my own without any pain medication.

I talked with Josh and we decided I should get an epidural. The doctors agreed and thought maybe it would help with dilation now that I could get a little rest. So the guy came in and gave me the epidural. It helped a little but I had back labor so after I got the epidural, Josh and I asked the anesthesiologist if it helps with back labor and he said not really. It's funny now but I have to tell you it wasn't so much at the time. I was able to get a little sleep that night. They checked me a few times in the night and I was still a 3 but almost a 4 and about 70% effaced. In the morning, Tuesday, the 24th, they came in at around 6:30 and checked me and I was a 6! I was so excited that my body was doing it.....I kept thinking....I am going to be able to deliver this baby naturally! It took 45 minutes for me to go from a 6 to a 9 1/2 and about 20 minutes after that I was at a 10 and 100% effaced and ready to start pushing. The nurse told me we were going to start pushing and that it could take a couple hours. I remember thinking I have got to push as best and hard as I can because I do not want to be pushing for three hours! It took about an hour of pushing and after about 36 hours of labor sweet baby Kanzis entered this world.

When they broke my water the day before, they noticed it had meconium in it so they had to take precautionary measures and have the pediatric team in there just in case. But she was just fine when she came out. The cord was wrapped around her neck once but the doctor quickly removed it and she was good to go. When I heard her cry, it was literally music to my ears. She is here....she is healthy......she is alive.....and she is beautiful!

I did it! I had a successful VBAC. I was able to watch my baby come out of me and into this world. I looked in the corner of the room to see if I could see Jesus holding Kaizen like in my dream and although I didn't see him there.......I could feel him. I know he was there.....such a good big brother.

I am already so attached to this little girl. I am so thankful to Heavenly Father for her. I know Kaizen had a hand in picking her out and I know he had a hand in keeping her for as long as he did. I'm sure telling her all sorts of stories.

Mommies letter to Kanzis:

My sweet Kanzis,
I am so excited you are here. I am so happy that I get to finally hold you in my arms and kiss on your sweet little cheekies! You are such a good baby. You only wake up once in the night and even then you don't really cry. You just smack your lips and I know it's time for a feeding. You figured out how to eat like a champ. Latching on within seconds. You have it all figured out and I am just here following along with your routine. I want you to know that I love you so very much. I want you to know that I would do anything for you.....anything. You have only been in this world for a little over a week and you have already brought so much joy to our lives. You are so special to us. I want you to know that I will cherish every single moment I have with you because I know what it feels like to loose something you love more than life. Every moment I have with you will be a blessing. Every tear you cry, will never be ignored. I will try my best to make all of your sadness go away. If I had it my way.....you would know nothing but happiness, but unfortunately you will have trials in your life that are out of mine and your control. I will be here for you during those times. I will help you as much as I can. Look for God's face in those times....seek for his help.
I hope you don't mind that I talk about your big brother Kaizen. I want you to know about him. I want you to know how special he was....he is to us. I want you to know that through prayer you can talk to him and to Jesus. I don't want you to be afraid to ask questions about Kaizen. I will always be willing to tell you all about him.
I am so grateful for you Kanzis. You already have your daddy wrapped around your little finger. I love watching him with you. I can see how much love he has for you when I see him hold and stare at you. I am so excited to see you grow and see who you will become. Just remember.....always talk to me, never be afraid to talk to me about anything. You are my life now. You now hold a piece of my heart that I will never be able to get back. And I......I hold your life in my hands.....and I promise to treasure that life. I promise to treat it ever so carefully.
I love you Kanzis Henley!! More than you will ever know.