It was hard to celebrate Kaizen's birthday without him here. As we sang happy birthday to him at his headstone I couldn't help but imagine what he would be like and what he would think about everyone celebrating a day just for him. I miss him so much. I still have days where it is really hard. Where I just want to stay in bed all day and shut the world out. It's hard, he has a part of me that will never be healed. It's like I have a permanent open wound, that if I'm not careful, and even when I am, can hurt so bad with just a tiny touch, a tiny word.
Having Kanzis does make it a little easier, she makes those days better. Maybe it's because when I look at her, I see a little bit of him. Because I know he is happy and smiling down on us. Because when I think of his smiling face, I feel joy. I love so much my sweet angel two year old.
I found this quote and wanted to share it. I very much admire the truthfulness of it's message.
"The death of a baby is like a stone cast into the stillness of a quiet pool, the concentric ripples of despair sweep out in all directions, affecting many, many people." -John DeFrain
He is and will always be loved by so so many!
Happy Birthday sweet angel!
Now if you know me, you know that I LOVE Halloween! It's my favorite holiday and I get so excited every year! My sister and I hosted our annual Halloween party at my Uncles house it was so fun! I am already totally excited for next year! Ya that's right.......totally!
We played Clue in real life. It took quite a while to finish and was kind of insane! But still so much fun.......as always with my family! :)
^ Seriously my husband is the best! He is such a good sport
when it comes to me and my crazy obsession on Halloween!
(for the record.....he picked this costume out himself, but with the
options....it was the best choice) :)
As for me and my excuse on the lame bee.......I had to pick something
easy for breastfeeding.....it's all I could find......worked great lol!
Kanzis with her great grandpa! I sure love my gramps!
So while it was so fun to visit family, and enjoy some fun activities......it is good to be back home.
Now we await the next trip back to Utah for Thanksgiving! :)
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