Enjoy....
Her brother is always watching over her....
.....and will always be right beside her. :)
I am so happy with how they all turned out! I love my little beauty! :)
Monday, October 21, 2013
Our little model baby!
We had pictures of Kanzis taken when she was 6 days old by a lady in Roy, Utah and she did an amazing job! I must thank Ashley Lamph for reccomending her! She is awesome. Thanks Ash!! :)
Enjoy....
Enjoy....
Friday, October 18, 2013
A little update on baby Kanzis
Hey Guys!!
Sorry it's been a while since my last update!
I will just get straight to the point here though......I love my little girl!! Ugh.....so much!
I have been in heaven finally being home with her and being able to snuggle with her and just spend girl time together. I have missed so much snuggling with a baby.......my baby.
I have been noticing a thing that Kanzis has been doing lately and it happens a lot. We have pictures of Kaizen around our house and when we are sitting on the couch she just stares at his picture. I know she is looking at him because no matter what angle we are sitting with her on the couch her eyes are always fixed on his picture. And when she isn't looking at that one she stares at another picture we have of him in the corner of the room. It brings tears to my eyes as I watch her do it. My heart tells me she knows who he is. She remembers that she was talking with him in heaven before she came.
I wish babies could talk so I could ask her all about him. So I could ask her about her thoughts, her wants, her needs. I would ask her what Heaven is like, what Jesus and Heavenly Father are like. O I would ask so many questions. I guess that is why our Father in Heaven made it so babies can't talk and tell us all the answers to our never ending questions, after all what is the point of a test if you already know all the answers.... We must figure everything out for ourselves in order to pass the ultimate test.
I am so thankful that I can feel Kaizen's love through his baby sister. I know he is watching over and protecting her just like a big brother does. Kanzis is such a joy to us. I look at her and wonder is this really real.....is she really mine? This beautiful baby.....we made her. I get so excited thinking about her growing and developing, but with all that excitement comes sadness knowing that she won't stay a baby forever. That I will only be able to hold her and cuddle her for so long before she grows out of it. I want to be a good mom to her and try to teach her how to be a nice, loving, kind girl. Teach her to grow to become a successful woman, loving wife, and a nurturing mother. I know she will be watching and learning from everything I do and I want to be a good example to her. But more than anything.....I want her to know what real love is.....I want her to really feel it. She is loved by so many people. Josh and I love her so much........ sometimes just thinking of that love brings tears to my eyes (like right now)! She means the world to us and I want her to always know that.
I have heard so much about how so many people were asking how we were doing, asking about Kanzis and just thinking and praying for us. We want to thank you all from the bottom of our hearts! It means so much to us that people continue to think of our family. We love you all!
We are now a family of four! And although one of us lives in Heaven......his love lives within our hearts forever.
Have a beautiful weekend!
Sorry it's been a while since my last update!
I will just get straight to the point here though......I love my little girl!! Ugh.....so much!
I have been in heaven finally being home with her and being able to snuggle with her and just spend girl time together. I have missed so much snuggling with a baby.......my baby.
I have been noticing a thing that Kanzis has been doing lately and it happens a lot. We have pictures of Kaizen around our house and when we are sitting on the couch she just stares at his picture. I know she is looking at him because no matter what angle we are sitting with her on the couch her eyes are always fixed on his picture. And when she isn't looking at that one she stares at another picture we have of him in the corner of the room. It brings tears to my eyes as I watch her do it. My heart tells me she knows who he is. She remembers that she was talking with him in heaven before she came.
I wish babies could talk so I could ask her all about him. So I could ask her about her thoughts, her wants, her needs. I would ask her what Heaven is like, what Jesus and Heavenly Father are like. O I would ask so many questions. I guess that is why our Father in Heaven made it so babies can't talk and tell us all the answers to our never ending questions, after all what is the point of a test if you already know all the answers.... We must figure everything out for ourselves in order to pass the ultimate test.
I am so thankful that I can feel Kaizen's love through his baby sister. I know he is watching over and protecting her just like a big brother does. Kanzis is such a joy to us. I look at her and wonder is this really real.....is she really mine? This beautiful baby.....we made her. I get so excited thinking about her growing and developing, but with all that excitement comes sadness knowing that she won't stay a baby forever. That I will only be able to hold her and cuddle her for so long before she grows out of it. I want to be a good mom to her and try to teach her how to be a nice, loving, kind girl. Teach her to grow to become a successful woman, loving wife, and a nurturing mother. I know she will be watching and learning from everything I do and I want to be a good example to her. But more than anything.....I want her to know what real love is.....I want her to really feel it. She is loved by so many people. Josh and I love her so much........ sometimes just thinking of that love brings tears to my eyes (like right now)! She means the world to us and I want her to always know that.
This girl LOVES baths!! She could probably lay in there for hours! Everytime we put her in there she is just so content and satisfied.......makes me happy. :)
I have heard so much about how so many people were asking how we were doing, asking about Kanzis and just thinking and praying for us. We want to thank you all from the bottom of our hearts! It means so much to us that people continue to think of our family. We love you all!
We are now a family of four! And although one of us lives in Heaven......his love lives within our hearts forever.
Have a beautiful weekend!
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Kanzis' Story
Kanzis Henley......she's here! I have to tell you, I wasn't expecting a HER to come out so I was pleasantly surprised when Josh said it's a girl. Here's her story.....
So We went in Sunday, September 22nd. at 8:00 p.m. to be induced. When I got there I changed into my hospital gown and got in bed. They hooked me up to the monitors and tried to put an IV in. It took them 4 times but they finally got it.....guess my veins were being pretty stubborn. A little while later the doctor came in and checked me and I was still not dilated and still about 60% effaced. So they inserted the cervix balloon hoping to get some labor going. Shortly after they inserted the catheter balloon I started feeling contractions. I felt them all night. They weren't too bad but definitely uncomfortable. The next morning they checked me and I was dilated to a 3. I thought yay! we are getting somewhere! They took the balloon out at about 7:30/8:00 that morning and started a low dose of pitocin. At this point I was feeling the contractions pretty good and just kept breathing through them. They would raise the pitocin dosage every half hour. The contractions were getting more intense. So it is Monday the 23rd, they came in to check me......still a 3! Ugh. I decided to get into the bath hoping to help with dealing with the contractions. I was in there for about an hour. I got back into bed and tried to cope with the pain, but then decided to get up and sit on the birthing ball for awhile. That actually helped pretty well but after about an hour (maybe a little less) I was ready to get back in bed and lay down. The contractions were very painful at this point. So now Monday night the doctor came in and asked if they could put a monitor that goes inside and lays next to the baby's head to better see how intense my contractions were. I agreed and they put it in. The pain was so intense at this point I really started questioning if I could do this. So far it had been almost 24 hours that I was laboring on my own without any pain medication.
I talked with Josh and we decided I should get an epidural. The doctors agreed and thought maybe it would help with dilation now that I could get a little rest. So the guy came in and gave me the epidural. It helped a little but I had back labor so after I got the epidural, Josh and I asked the anesthesiologist if it helps with back labor and he said not really. It's funny now but I have to tell you it wasn't so much at the time. I was able to get a little sleep that night. They checked me a few times in the night and I was still a 3 but almost a 4 and about 70% effaced. In the morning, Tuesday, the 24th, they came in at around 6:30 and checked me and I was a 6! I was so excited that my body was doing it.....I kept thinking....I am going to be able to deliver this baby naturally! It took 45 minutes for me to go from a 6 to a 9 1/2 and about 20 minutes after that I was at a 10 and 100% effaced and ready to start pushing. The nurse told me we were going to start pushing and that it could take a couple hours. I remember thinking I have got to push as best and hard as I can because I do not want to be pushing for three hours! It took about an hour of pushing and after about 36 hours of labor sweet baby Kanzis entered this world.
When they broke my water the day before, they noticed it had meconium in it so they had to take precautionary measures and have the pediatric team in there just in case. But she was just fine when she came out. The cord was wrapped around her neck once but the doctor quickly removed it and she was good to go. When I heard her cry, it was literally music to my ears. She is here....she is healthy......she is alive.....and she is beautiful!
I did it! I had a successful VBAC. I was able to watch my baby come out of me and into this world. I looked in the corner of the room to see if I could see Jesus holding Kaizen like in my dream and although I didn't see him there.......I could feel him. I know he was there.....such a good big brother.
I am already so attached to this little girl. I am so thankful to Heavenly Father for her. I know Kaizen had a hand in picking her out and I know he had a hand in keeping her for as long as he did. I'm sure telling her all sorts of stories.
Mommies letter to Kanzis:
My sweet Kanzis,
I am so excited you are here. I am so happy that I get to finally hold you in my arms and kiss on your sweet little cheekies! You are such a good baby. You only wake up once in the night and even then you don't really cry. You just smack your lips and I know it's time for a feeding. You figured out how to eat like a champ. Latching on within seconds. You have it all figured out and I am just here following along with your routine. I want you to know that I love you so very much. I want you to know that I would do anything for you.....anything. You have only been in this world for a little over a week and you have already brought so much joy to our lives. You are so special to us. I want you to know that I will cherish every single moment I have with you because I know what it feels like to loose something you love more than life. Every moment I have with you will be a blessing. Every tear you cry, will never be ignored. I will try my best to make all of your sadness go away. If I had it my way.....you would know nothing but happiness, but unfortunately you will have trials in your life that are out of mine and your control. I will be here for you during those times. I will help you as much as I can. Look for God's face in those times....seek for his help.
I hope you don't mind that I talk about your big brother Kaizen. I want you to know about him. I want you to know how special he was....he is to us. I want you to know that through prayer you can talk to him and to Jesus. I don't want you to be afraid to ask questions about Kaizen. I will always be willing to tell you all about him.
I am so grateful for you Kanzis. You already have your daddy wrapped around your little finger. I love watching him with you. I can see how much love he has for you when I see him hold and stare at you. I am so excited to see you grow and see who you will become. Just remember.....always talk to me, never be afraid to talk to me about anything. You are my life now. You now hold a piece of my heart that I will never be able to get back. And I......I hold your life in my hands.....and I promise to treasure that life. I promise to treat it ever so carefully.
I love you Kanzis Henley!! More than you will ever know.
So We went in Sunday, September 22nd. at 8:00 p.m. to be induced. When I got there I changed into my hospital gown and got in bed. They hooked me up to the monitors and tried to put an IV in. It took them 4 times but they finally got it.....guess my veins were being pretty stubborn. A little while later the doctor came in and checked me and I was still not dilated and still about 60% effaced. So they inserted the cervix balloon hoping to get some labor going. Shortly after they inserted the catheter balloon I started feeling contractions. I felt them all night. They weren't too bad but definitely uncomfortable. The next morning they checked me and I was dilated to a 3. I thought yay! we are getting somewhere! They took the balloon out at about 7:30/8:00 that morning and started a low dose of pitocin. At this point I was feeling the contractions pretty good and just kept breathing through them. They would raise the pitocin dosage every half hour. The contractions were getting more intense. So it is Monday the 23rd, they came in to check me......still a 3! Ugh. I decided to get into the bath hoping to help with dealing with the contractions. I was in there for about an hour. I got back into bed and tried to cope with the pain, but then decided to get up and sit on the birthing ball for awhile. That actually helped pretty well but after about an hour (maybe a little less) I was ready to get back in bed and lay down. The contractions were very painful at this point. So now Monday night the doctor came in and asked if they could put a monitor that goes inside and lays next to the baby's head to better see how intense my contractions were. I agreed and they put it in. The pain was so intense at this point I really started questioning if I could do this. So far it had been almost 24 hours that I was laboring on my own without any pain medication.
I talked with Josh and we decided I should get an epidural. The doctors agreed and thought maybe it would help with dilation now that I could get a little rest. So the guy came in and gave me the epidural. It helped a little but I had back labor so after I got the epidural, Josh and I asked the anesthesiologist if it helps with back labor and he said not really. It's funny now but I have to tell you it wasn't so much at the time. I was able to get a little sleep that night. They checked me a few times in the night and I was still a 3 but almost a 4 and about 70% effaced. In the morning, Tuesday, the 24th, they came in at around 6:30 and checked me and I was a 6! I was so excited that my body was doing it.....I kept thinking....I am going to be able to deliver this baby naturally! It took 45 minutes for me to go from a 6 to a 9 1/2 and about 20 minutes after that I was at a 10 and 100% effaced and ready to start pushing. The nurse told me we were going to start pushing and that it could take a couple hours. I remember thinking I have got to push as best and hard as I can because I do not want to be pushing for three hours! It took about an hour of pushing and after about 36 hours of labor sweet baby Kanzis entered this world.
When they broke my water the day before, they noticed it had meconium in it so they had to take precautionary measures and have the pediatric team in there just in case. But she was just fine when she came out. The cord was wrapped around her neck once but the doctor quickly removed it and she was good to go. When I heard her cry, it was literally music to my ears. She is here....she is healthy......she is alive.....and she is beautiful!
I did it! I had a successful VBAC. I was able to watch my baby come out of me and into this world. I looked in the corner of the room to see if I could see Jesus holding Kaizen like in my dream and although I didn't see him there.......I could feel him. I know he was there.....such a good big brother.
I am already so attached to this little girl. I am so thankful to Heavenly Father for her. I know Kaizen had a hand in picking her out and I know he had a hand in keeping her for as long as he did. I'm sure telling her all sorts of stories.
Mommies letter to Kanzis:
My sweet Kanzis,
I am so excited you are here. I am so happy that I get to finally hold you in my arms and kiss on your sweet little cheekies! You are such a good baby. You only wake up once in the night and even then you don't really cry. You just smack your lips and I know it's time for a feeding. You figured out how to eat like a champ. Latching on within seconds. You have it all figured out and I am just here following along with your routine. I want you to know that I love you so very much. I want you to know that I would do anything for you.....anything. You have only been in this world for a little over a week and you have already brought so much joy to our lives. You are so special to us. I want you to know that I will cherish every single moment I have with you because I know what it feels like to loose something you love more than life. Every moment I have with you will be a blessing. Every tear you cry, will never be ignored. I will try my best to make all of your sadness go away. If I had it my way.....you would know nothing but happiness, but unfortunately you will have trials in your life that are out of mine and your control. I will be here for you during those times. I will help you as much as I can. Look for God's face in those times....seek for his help.
I hope you don't mind that I talk about your big brother Kaizen. I want you to know about him. I want you to know how special he was....he is to us. I want you to know that through prayer you can talk to him and to Jesus. I don't want you to be afraid to ask questions about Kaizen. I will always be willing to tell you all about him.
I am so grateful for you Kanzis. You already have your daddy wrapped around your little finger. I love watching him with you. I can see how much love he has for you when I see him hold and stare at you. I am so excited to see you grow and see who you will become. Just remember.....always talk to me, never be afraid to talk to me about anything. You are my life now. You now hold a piece of my heart that I will never be able to get back. And I......I hold your life in my hands.....and I promise to treasure that life. I promise to treat it ever so carefully.
I love you Kanzis Henley!! More than you will ever know.
not a fan of her first bath
daddy's little girl
Thank you so so much to those who have kept us in your thoughts and prayers. We are truly so grateful to all of you. We definitely feel very blessed.
I shall update again soon.....
Sunday, September 22, 2013
One year...
Well guys......I am sorry I haven't done a blog post for a while. I just don't want to bore you with ummm.....absolutely no news! Lol We have seriously been playing what feels like the longest waiting game in the history of ever! Ok maybe a little dramatic but seriously the baby seems to be perfectly fine where it is. I feel like this pregnancy has gone by super fast up until these last couple weeks which I know is pretty common. Talking with my doctor at my last doctors visit we were discussing when to schedule an induction day, she thought we should schedule it for today but I told her my concerns as to waiting that long and we agreed on last Tuesday.....well as you can see...we changed our minds. Josh and I prayed and asked Heavenly Father what to do and I just kept getting a feeling to wait and give my body some more time so I called the doc and we scheduled the induction day for tonight. They typically don't like a mother trying a VBAC to go past 41 weeks. I will be 41 weeks tomorrow. So we are going in tonight and they will soften my cervix and then start all the big stuff tomorrow. I sure am nervous but I can't help but feeling a little excitement. I was really hoping to go into labor on my own, but I am just trying not to stress and go with the flow. Hopefully we will be holding another sweet little soul tomorrow.
Speaking of another sweet soul. My Kaizen. My sweet sweet Kaizen. It has been a year today since the day he left to live with our loving Heavenly Father. One year. I'm not really sure how I feel about this last year. I can't really say if it has even felt like a year. All I know, is I miss that little angel I am so proud to call mine. Everyday I miss him. Everyday I think of him. And not just today......but everyday....I think of how much my life has changed since he left and how much happier I was when I was able to hold him and love on him everyday. Even though my life.....our lives....have changed in a way that I NEVER wanted it to, I know that he and Heavenly Father have helped us and allowed us to feel happy, to laugh, and keep living knowing that we WILL see him again. This is truly not the end. I feel Kaizen's love all around me and I know he is so excited for us to meet his sweet little baby brother or sister. I thought I would just post some pictures of baby Kaizen to remind us all of his angelic beauty.
So here they are......some you have probably seen before........here is the greatest love I have ever felt......
Speaking of another sweet soul. My Kaizen. My sweet sweet Kaizen. It has been a year today since the day he left to live with our loving Heavenly Father. One year. I'm not really sure how I feel about this last year. I can't really say if it has even felt like a year. All I know, is I miss that little angel I am so proud to call mine. Everyday I miss him. Everyday I think of him. And not just today......but everyday....I think of how much my life has changed since he left and how much happier I was when I was able to hold him and love on him everyday. Even though my life.....our lives....have changed in a way that I NEVER wanted it to, I know that he and Heavenly Father have helped us and allowed us to feel happy, to laugh, and keep living knowing that we WILL see him again. This is truly not the end. I feel Kaizen's love all around me and I know he is so excited for us to meet his sweet little baby brother or sister. I thought I would just post some pictures of baby Kaizen to remind us all of his angelic beauty.
So here they are......some you have probably seen before........here is the greatest love I have ever felt......
My baby.......he's walking with Jesus. He's safe in the most tender of hands.
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