I see you. I miss you.

This post is going to be a little different. This letter is to Kaizen. I know he won't be able to read it, but I need to do it. If not just for me.

I see you.

When I am driving and look in the mirror to the kids in the back. I see you. I see your beautiful smile, smiling back at me. Our eyes catch a quick glimpse and I know that you know you are loved.

When we are outside playing and Kanzis is running around laughing. I see you. I see you chasing her, laughing as you catch to tickle her and you both sit there giggling.

When we are at the store and pass the little boys toy section. I see you. I see you running down the aisle looking at all of the wonderful toys and asking me to get you just one.

Whenever we are at a birthday party. I see you. I see you playing with all of the kids, I see you on your birthday opening your gifts and blowing out the candles with that big smile that could stop someone in their tracks.

As we are sitting at church and I look over to see an empty seat that would have been yours. I see you. I look at you as you are coloring or playing with your sisters and I think of how lucky I am that you are mine.

When I look outside to your dad washing his truck. I see you. I see you helping him and washing your toy truck too because you want to be just like daddy.

When I count my blessings. I see you. I see you because you are one of my greatest blessings. You made me a mommy, therefore making my greatest wish come true.

When I think of eternity. I see you. I see that I get to have you forever. I get to see that beautiful smile that I miss so much. I get to kiss your smooth perfect skin again. I get to hold you in my arms and vow to never let go. I get to be in your presence and hear you call me mommy, a sound that I will treasure for always.

I see you Kaizen. Everyday I see you. I picture life with you here, and it's glorious. I miss you. and while I know you have to be away. I can promise you that I will never. Ever. stop seeing you.