The other night I was having some contractions and they were timing about 5 minutes apart and I was getting pretty excited but then they started getting further apart and eventually went away after a couple of hours. I was pretty bummed but I at least was able to get some sleep lol.
I have been having contractions today so we will see what happens. I am just going to really try and be patient. My doctors appointment was yesterday and we scheduled an induction date for Monday. I am just praying he/she arrives before then.
Kanzis' cousins are back in town for a quick visit again. We had so much fun with them last time so it's always fun when we can visit. Kanzis loves playing with them!
We went and visited Kaizen's headstone on Memorial Day. Kanzis loves to give his picture kisses and it melts my heart. I imagine them being the best of friends. So close to each other. I miss him so much it hurts but I know he is watching over Kanzis and soon his other little brother or sister. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I try not to be selfish and wish him back, wish him here with us so I can watch all of my children play together, I know he is where he needs to be, but sometimes it is just so hard. The overwhelming sadness I sometimes feel is like a thief in the night. It happens when I least expect it. It happens when I am watching other little boys that are around the age he would have been and I just loose it thinking about who he might have been. It's sneaky and it's selfish and it doesn't care where I am or who I am with. But I deal with it. I am thankful for it. I love him so much and I am thankful for any chance I get to feel those feelings of a love that is so strong, it is eternal.
I saw this quote on Facebook and I wanted to share it...
"Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well."
Those words are so powerful to me and I agree with them completely.
All is well.
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