I guess I will start with how we spent our 4th of July.
We really didn't do anything too exciting. Both of Josh's brothers and their families were in Utah so we didn't get to hang out with them so we decided to buy a few sparklers and sit on the bed of our truck and watch the fireworks that were going on everywhere around town. We would just look out and see fireworks lighting up the sky from every angle, it was pretty cool. After awhile we grabbed our camp chairs and sat in our drive way and watched all of our neighbors' fireworks. It was pretty fun.
I'd be lying if I said it was the best ever because it wasn't. I had a hard time this 4th of July not having my sweet KZ with me. I remember last 4th of July we had a little get together at one of Josh's brother's house. I had Kaizen dressed up in his cute 4th outfit, he looked so adorable.....as always! There was tons of food and lots of laughter. When it was dark enough for fireworks, I wondered how Kaizen would handle it. He loved lights so I figured he would do good. I think I watched him staring at the lighted sky more than I watched the fireworks. I remember covering his ears so it wouldn't be so loud but he didn't mind, he was just staring at those beautiful lights.
This year sitting out watching the fireworks not having him to stare at as he stared at them, it was tough. I cried several times that day thinking about his beautiful blue eyes that radiated such love and purity, his sweet little laugh that brought tears to my eyes.....you know the tears....the ones that you just can't believe how happy you are and how everything around you is frozen and it's just you and him soaking up sweet bliss. Those tears I long for.
I told Josh several times how much I wish he was here with us to see this beauty, all these lights, he would have loved it. And once again, Josh being the wonderful guy he is reminded me that he is seeing all of this, only he gets the best view. He is so right. I miss him so much, I love him more than anything.
I had to add the pictures below because this was the hat that went with his 4th outfit that was clearly the perfect size for his head. I was laughing so hard at him. The picture on the left he was kind of smiling because I was laughing and then the picture on the right looks like he is a little concerned as to why I was STILL laughing. I miss these days.
Not much else has been going on over here. We have went fishing a couple of times and Josh and a friend went swimming at the lake one night but other than that we have just been taking it easy.
Sometimes when I'm inside cleaning or doing whatever I look outside and see how summery it looks and how it just makes me want to go outside and do something fun. So as I try and make that happen but then start getting attacked by flying creatures, and start sweating because it is freakishly hot, and sneeze a whole bunch because of these super fun allergies, I am quickly reminded that Summer is not my favorite and wonder when Fall is. Most days I just enjoy the outside, from the inside. That works for me. :)
Jumping off where it says "no jumping" breaking the rules, such daredevils!
First cast, first fish
First fish of the year for me!
so pretty
So my due date is exactly two months from today. I am so nervous but also very excited. This baby moves so much I just love feeling it's punches and kicks. I can't wait to hold him/her and start that bond that I have missed so much.
I know I know, I am gigantic. How in the world is there going to be enough room for two more months! We had an ultrasound a little while ago just kind of a picture day because the baby didn't want to show it's face off at the one prior but this time it was ready to be seen. The ultrasound shows that the baby is growing a pound ahead of schedule but you can never be sure because the ultrasound also measures air. But the lady said it's a little on the chubbier side, which to me means, bigger cheeks to kiss on. If you haven't caught on we still don't know the gender but we are kind of both leaning towards boy for some reason. I am so thankful and blessed that I am so happy either way. To me, after everything Josh and I have gone through, the gender is the very least of my worries and I am truly grateful with a boy or a girl.
I am so blessed to get to be able to be a mom. I can't believe I am about to be the mother of two. That makes me so happy, I am so much looking forward to hopefully being the mommy of five. That's up to God though. So far, I am so thankful to get to be the mom of Kaizen, and this little baby Bolinder.
Have a wonderful rest of the week everyone!
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