I got to think about all of the wonderful days we had together. The beautiful memories of that sweet boy that remain in my heart for always. I was able to remember the constant kisses I would give him everyday all day. I miss them.
With the good memories, came some sad ones. I didn't like remembering those. I would go through that day two years ago in my mind. From the moment we got the call to the moment we had to say goodbye. When I think about Kaizen, I mostly think about everything good. His sweet soul. His perfect little soul. But that day I found myself thinking a lot about how that day went. And it hurt. I miss him so much.
I miss those cheeks. I miss that face. I miss everything about him.
I am so grateful that it isn't goodbye forever. I am thankful for the plan of salvation and I look forward to the day I get to hold and kiss him again.
2 years. But we have grown a lot since then. Because of him. So happy 2 years to him. He gets to be with Jesus, he doesn't have to hurt anymore and for that I am thankful.
We got to celebrate Kanzis' birthday the other day. October 2nd. It was very important for me to throw her a birthday party. I know she won't remember it but I will. I have thought ever since we started having children of their 1st birthday parties. I was so excited for them. I was slowly starting to plan Kaizen's and that day was kind of taken away from me. So yes I wanted to make sure I got to give Kanzis one. I didn't want to miss out again.
Her 1st birthday was September 24th but we waited to celebrate it on the 2nd so Josh could be there too.
Before I share pics of her party, I have to tell you about something that happened the other day...
Have you ever felt so thankful for something, it literally brings tears to your eyes?
The other day I was watching Kanzis play. She and I play a lot together, but this time I sat back and just watched her. I watched her walk, watched her pick up toys and call them "doggie", watched her smile and laugh. I was overwhelmed with the feeling of thankfulness. Thankfulness for her, and all of her abilities that we take for granted too often. I thought about how hard it was for Kaizen to do things that come so easy to her. And I was so grateful for those abilities. I started to cry and I couldn't stop. She is truly amazing to me. She is so smart and beautiful...I just feel too thankful to write into words.
As I was sitting there watching her, trying to wipe my tears away and stop crying, she walked up to me and gave me a look like what is wrong mommy. She started taking her little finger and trying to catch all of my tears, and then she gave me a hug. So of course I started crying even more. I feel so blessed to have her. She has so much love in her heart for a one year old it truly amazes me. I am so very lucky to be her mommy.
Such a fun day. On the dinner menu was:
Pulled pork sandwiches
Chicken noodle soup
Beef enchilada soup
Noodle, Frog eye, and Green salads
Veggie cups
Chips and dip
Fruit skewers
Cupcakes
Cake pops
Cookies
Pink Lemonade
I wish I would have gotten pictures of all the food but I didn't get the chance, my sister got it on video though. :)
So many people came to celebrate this sweet little girls one year and we are so thankful for all of them. What a special day it was to us.
It was like Christmas in our home when we finally got everything unpacked, and I was just as excited as Kanzis was to play with all her toys and read all her books. She loves books so much I just love it. She will go get a book and bring it to me to read to her. She plops right on my lap and we read away. I hope she always loves books. :)
I love September. Even though we had to temporarily say goodbye to our angel in September, I still love that month. My dad's birthday is the 5th, Kanzis' is the 24th, and fall starts. There are things to still love about that month and I think Kaizen is glad that there is. :)
I hope you all have a wonderful week. <3
No comments:
Post a Comment